2019 Recap

Dear Diary,

So much has happened since I last wrote.

• Started dating Tom November 2018
• Ashley named me God Mother to her baby girl Seriyah who was born November 2018
• I kicked Manny out
• Tom got job at Toyota
• I quit Nissan and started working at Canyon
• Tom’s daughter Madi moved in
• Georgia and Tyler had a baby girl, Camille.
• Poppy had his 92nd birthday party
• Tom cheated on me – we worked through it
• Madi moved back in with her grandpa
• I bought a house
• Georgia and Tyler moved to their new house
• We hosted a Friendsgiving party
• We bought Tom a new car
• My God Daughter Seriyah had her first birthday – I was there in spirit
• Uncle Marc passed away
• We hosted our first Christmas in our new house
• Tom and I went to Kiki’s 7th birthday party

It’s crazy, I know so much more happened, but those are the biggest things that I recall off the top of my head. I want to be better at writing more frequently. Uncle Marc passing away has really taken a big toll on me. It was so sudden, with no chance to say goodbye. I was expecting to see him on Christmas so he could see our new house. Our first house. I couldn’t wait to show him. Finding out the day before Christmas was so hard. I mean, it would have been hard at any point, but having dinner as a family and not having him there was rough.

The loss has really taken a toll on my grandparents. I mean, my grandpa is 92, so it was inevitable that he was going to start needing more help, but the change just seemed to happen over night. Yesterday my mom told me they got in touch with a real estate agent to help them get their house ready to sell so they can move into an assisted living facility in town. I know that’s the last thing they want to do, but they need to do something. So I have been looking into alternative at home care options to see if that’s something that could help them.

On a happier note, we got invited to Mika’s wedding in Alaska! I haven’t bought the tickets yet, but it looks like we’ll be able to go! I’m so excited. This will be our first actual vacation together. And my first time planning a trip that involves flying!

 

 

 

Integrity Ruined By A Lie

Dear Diary,

Have you ever been in trouble at work for something you didn’t do? Imagine being called into the boss’s office and being asked to share your side of a story that you didn’t even realize had an issue. Trying to recall all of the details of something that in your mind had no hiccups or issues. Then being told a different story SO FAR from what you know happened. So far from the truth, that it wouldn’t even be plausible to say the other party misunderstood anything you said, it was just a blatant lie. On top of that told that your job is on the line.

Well, this happened to me. One of my managers told the General Manager where I work that I claimed the GM didn’t have the authority to approve something, and that only my direct boss did. My side being that I went down to ask if the GM had approved something. The manager I was asking said that the GM would be fine with it. The GM had told me that for anything he approved, I needed a signature from him, or a verbal okay from him. The manager called the GM to get the okay, got it and I left. I don’t understand how me asking for the GM’s approval, lead to the manager saying that I claimed his approval wasn’t enough.

When I got called into the meeting about it with the GM and my direct manager, I told him that I never said that, and that I had no confusion over the pecking order. He said he had two managers saying that they heard me say that. He called one of them up, who I was told had said he had heard the conversation. When asked about it, he said he never heard me say that, he had just heard the other manager accuse me of saying it. So they tried to brush it off and say it was no big deal and that I was not in trouble. I’m sitting there thinking, wait a second, I have two managers telling me that another manager said something that I know to be a complete lie.

The accusing manager was out sick for a week, so I had to wait for any conclusion. In the meantime I got a message from him asking “is my check ready.” I had NO clue what he was talking about. I was in the middle of a time sensitive project for my boss and was told to set anything aside that wasn’t immediate and to finish it the following day. I informed him that I hadn’t looked at it yet because I was working on meeting a deadline, but I would put it at the top of the stack and get to it the next morning. I even asked if that was okay. Never heard back from him.

An hour later my boss comes storming out and asks me to come in the office. He had called the GM and told them that I refused to cut a check to him. I asked if I could send a copy of my conversation over to the GM to see if there was something I could have done differently. The GM mentioned that I had done nothing wrong, and in fact I had been over accommodating. He said the other manager had been going through personal issues and that we would work it out when he got back.

When we finally got to meet about it, we were both ask to share our sides of what happened and how it made us feel. He claimed that he felt that I was questioning his authority. Putting myself in his shoes, I get it. In fact, I agree, I was. I was questioning his authority because I was following my own directions and trying to do the job that I was given. If somebody gives me a job, I do it. I don’t decide which rules to follow and which ones I can claim are “gray” areas. So I told him what I was told he said to the GM. He agreed that he said it. I asked how he got to that conclusion; because I did not understand how he went from me saying I needed the GMs approval to the GMs approval wasn’t enough for me. It didn’t line up. The GM instantly cut me off and started talking about how he understood the frustration on both sides. And that he didn’t believe there to be any malicious intent. And insisted on moving on.

So I dropped it. I have continued to have a smile on my face and to be cordial. I feel like you will be treated how you LET people treat you, and that I should put my foot down on this. But then I feel like I’m overreacting. No formal documentation of the incident was made, which also makes me feel really uncomfortable. How do you move forward?

 

 

 

6/14/18

Dear Diary,

Yesterday after work I drove out to meet my friend Aaron to have some drinks before his softball game. His friend Mike (turns out to be one of my friend’s boyfriend, now ex, as she just cheated on him) ended up tagging along with us. We drove into town and went

to Jeckyl and Hyde. I got a beer called Hoppy Bitch. LOL I love it when places come up with creative humorous titles. Then we all split some BBQ pork Nachos. It was really good just hanging out. I have never really talked to Mike before. I have met him a couple of times; I even spent Thanksgiving; or Friends giving as they called it, last year. I feel for him though, because what I went through with Jon was pretty similar.

 

6/13/18

Dear Diary,

Why are men so much better at open ended relationships or being friends with benefits? Is there some chemical make up that women have that makes us inevitably fall for somebody we’re intimate with? I personally believe it’s all to do with ego/self esteem. Because I feel like Manny and I are great friends. I don’t really want to be with him…and I like my freedom, but when it comes to him talking to other women I feel jealous.I feel resentful sometimes because I feel like he rubs in in my face and wants me to feel that way. But maybe that’s just my jealousy wanting to believe that. Anyways, I like what I have and I want it to continue, I just want to keep my emotions in check. I can’t control how I feel, but I can control what I do about it.

6/12/18

Dear Diary,

If I were the creators of Family Guy, I would pick a random name and every episode I would find a discreet way to put it in the show…I mean how freaked out would you be if you were high as hell and all the sudden you hear your name out of nowhere in the show! It would be a trip lol!

So this weekend Georgia came up and I got to meet her new boyfriend Tyler. I actually used to work with him at Safeway. Greta, Don, Jessica, and Everett came over. Everybody brought food and snacks. We were up until midnight playing Cards Against Humanity. There were a couple of other games that Georgia had brought that we wanted to try out but there were too many people for most of them. Manny ended up passing out on the couch. I guess that’s what weed treats do to you!

I’m so happy that Georgia found somebody. He’s such a great guy, and I love that he is totally in to her. They ended spending most of the weekend at the Log Show, so I didn’t get to see much of them. I was going to go to the log show, but Manny pussed out so I ended up finding something else to do. Turned out AMAZING. John and I ended up meeting up for drinks at the Little Roadside Tavern. He looks so good! It was so great catching up with him.

 

6/11/18

Dear Diary,

Time flies when you’re having fun!!

This year for my 30th birthday I rented out one of the picnic shelters at the Deming Log Show Grounds. It was a pretty good turn up! I have to say it was probably the best birthday I’ve ever had. During the day it was mostly family, and friends with kids. Then once it got late the real party started.

Then the next week, Georgia and I packed up my car and all 3 of our dogs and took off for 5 days. We had no destination in mind other than a yearning to fell sand on our toes and sun on our face! We had considered going up around the Olympic Peninsula, but we ended up driving straight down to Oregon (the weather forecast looked better there).

Our first night we ended up staying at a campsite in Long Beach. Neither one of us were too impressed because we were super close to a lake and the mosquitoes were ferocious. I got bit on the forehead and I had a huge lump on my head…it looked as if somebody took a bat to my head!

Then we headed down and we ended up in New Halem. We liked it so much that we ended up staying the rest of the trip there. I think unpacking and packing each night didn’t sound nearly has fun as we anticipated LOL! It was literally the most relaxing trip I have ever taken. We stayed up late playing board/card games. Woke up early. We forgot to get propane before we left her house so we ended up cooking every night directly over the fire.

The beach near our site was incredible! There were barely any people too so it was really quiet. And I have to say, bringing 3 dogs was not nearly as stressful as I though it would be. I felt bad because the car ride was a bit squishy for them, but they managed. We did a bunch of shopping on the last day. We went to a place called Manzanita (not sure if I spelled that right). Georgia liked it there so much that she is considering buying a house there. We went down to Cape Meares and walked down to the light house. And since the weather wasn’t super hot, we were able to go out and eat without having to worry about the dogs in the car. Everything worked out really well!! We both decided that we want to make it a yearly ritual.

 

 

5/10/18

Dear Diary,

Friday night was Ashley’s 30th birthday. I met up with her and her friend from work at the hotel we were staying at. We got ready and went down and met a bunch of her coworkers at Jalapenos. Then we went up to the Royal. We played some beer pong, but we really weren’t there long until Ashley was done for the night.

On our way back to the hotel, I got a message from this guy at work saying that he saw me. Spent the rest of the night at the hotel pretty much talking to him. He wanted to come over and hang out, but Ashley was pretty much done. He was pretty persistent, which I wasn’t sure how to take. You can tell he’s in sales.

The next day Lindsey Brian Bri and I went day drinking. Afterwards I went home and cleaned after inviting Manny over (the guy from the night before). Risky, since I didn’t know him very well at this point, but in hindsight a good choice. He’s crazy funny, and I can see us being good friends.

The next day Manny, Bri and I went to Seattle to explore and meet up with Bri’s friend who was up on work from New Orleans. We met her at Purple and got some cocktails and a cheese plate. Then we went and explored Pike Place. I wanted to find something for Mom for Mother’s Day, but I didn’t see anything that would keep for that long. We went up the street and got some ginger beer and then we took off to see the Fremont Troll.

Overall, I’d say I had the best weekend in a while. I bet it won’t take the cake on this upcoming weekend though. I rented out the Deming Logging Show grounds for my 30th birthday and invited everybody I know!

4/26/18

Dear Diary,

After work yesterday I picked Brianna up and we met her friend down at The Copper Hog for food and a drink. They had a pulled pork dinner special and fresh squeezed watermelon margaritas! We got a nice table out in the sun, and they had a DJ and everything. Gotta say, what a great way to wind down after a long day at work!

Brianna ended up conning me in to walking down to the arcade. Coincidentally enough the same one that I had tried getting her to go to the last time we were out…but she was just too cool to be seen there. We blew through 5 bucks just on the Jurassic Park game! Lol, totally worth it.

So since my trip looks like it is going to be moot, I have worked on putting together a list of local hikes that I want to go on. I’m going to start this weekend on some of the trails that are shorter with less of a climb. Since I doubt I’ll be able to get Bri out of bed that early, I might even go over to Walmart and pick up a taser just in case…can never be too safe while hiking alone. Pictures to come!

4/25/18

Dear Diary,

Well update. I decided to break things off with Jack. I feel bad because he treated me like a queen, and we got along really great, but i was not feeling the feelings that I should have been feeling and I didn’t want to keep things going since I didn’t foresee anything changing for me. I hate hurting people, but I know I did the right thing. Better than stringing him along for four years and then telling him like my ex did to me.

My birthday is coming up though, and he had got me a 4 day vacation to Long Beach for my birthday. I’m not sure how to ask him if he was still planning on using it. I don’t know if he had already shelled out the money or not. He had said he still wanted to hang out, but I’m not sure if he was just saying that to be nice or not. I suppose I should grow some balls and just ask him.

Other than that, guess there’s been a bunch going on in my life lately. Last weekend my best friend Georgia came up for the weekend. We had our friend Greta and her husband Don come over for a game night on Friday. We played a new game of Georgia’s called Cash & Guns, which was very entertaining. I definitely suggest it. Basically, it’s like an adult game of  rock paper scissors played with up to 8 people. The last people standing get to split “booty” and  whoever has the most booty at the end of the game wins.  I also taught them how to play one of my games “Splendor” which is a great strategy game and very easy to learn how to play. I’m hooked on it. I remember when my ex, and his friend Joe and I stayed up until 6am in the morning playing it.

On Saturday morning I made breakfast and we watched “My Fake Fiance.” I love cheesy romances. I just wish it happened that way in real life for me! Georgia and I are both 30 and single. I wish I knew why. She’s really picky. I don’t think I am, I mean there aren’t specific things I look for or things that put me off, but I don’t find that I have that ‘connection’ that I want very frequently. Maybe it just takes a while to establish that. Anyways, after the movie, Georgia and I met up with my sister Brianna at the north trail head at Lake Whatcom. We had intended on hiking the Chantrell Trail, which climbs 1000 feet and has a great overlook; however, when we got there, there were at least 50 other dogs (on top of our 4) and it was just too hectic. We ended up just going for a walk instead and took the Hertz trail which follows the lake. It was really pretty and the weather was great! After that we met up with Everett at the North Fork Brewery to get something to eat before we had a bunch of people coming over to play more board games.

That night we had a great group show up. It was Greta, Kim and her boyfriend Paul, Everett, Ryan  (somebody that graduated from MBHS that Georgia invited who was super easy on the eyes), my friend Jon and then Georgia and I. We played the Cash & Guns game for a while. Then Jon had brought a game called “Disturbed Friends.” It was even funnier than

Cards Against Humanity, but it’s similar. In this game, the reader reads his card and has to select from multiple choices which they think is the most disturbed. I cannot remember the last time that I laughed that hard. I was sad though because Greta had to go home at midnight and she had carpooled with Kim and Paul, and since they were leaving Everett and Ryan went ahead an took off as well. Jon was staying the night so the three of us played a couple of rounds of Skipbo before heading to bed.

Then on Sunday Evertt, Georgia and I went out to Bobs Burger for lunch and then we went to see Super Troopers 2. It was great! My favorite line was when there was a guy staring directly at a woman’s breast while she was talking and she said, “a little farther north big boy.” his response that cracked me up was “well you don’t look at the mantle when you’re trying to stoke the fire!” Anyways, the story line was a little cheesy as a lot of funny movies are, but there were definitely a lot of Laugh Out Loud moments.

 

 

 

To The Girl He Loves After Me

To the girl he will love after me. I’m sorry that I hate you, I know you haven’t done anything to deserve it. I just can still remember the day he told me he loved me. I pulled into my house and he was already there. As I walked in I was attacked by the aromas of a home cooked meal. Lasagna. His signature dish. After we at he lead me to my room and as he opened the door I could see the flickering lights of candles. Then he turned to me with a Rose and told me that he loved me. The butterflies inside me felt like they would devour me… because I knew I felt it too. Cliche has it may be, it was sweet…and it wasn’t happening in some book or movie, it was me. He loved ME.
I can still see his eyes in my sleep, the way he looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered. I hope when he looks at you you will see the same. He has the most amazing eyes. His smile and his dorky laugh. I can still feel the warmth of his hand entangled with mine. I hope that when you hold his hand you will feel the same;  like nothing else matters and it’s just the two of you against the world.  I hope that you will cherish each time he smiles, because when he does the whole world changes.
I hope that you will hold him when he’s sad. and love him as I did. tell him every day how much you love him and how special he is until he believes it.
although I am moving on, and time has helped me heal, a big part of me I’m leaving in your hands. because I know a part of me will always love him.